Lembu

Petang kemarin masa balik kerja tengok derek lembu tidur tepi jalan. 

Mula² rasa geram, lepas tu pelahan dan berhenti tengok muka lembu datang perasaan kesian pula. Masa tu Tengah boring, kawe pun tanye soalan ke lembu2 tu.. 

"Weh lembu. Sape smart sekali dalam kapung ni" 

Tujuh, lapan ekor jawab serentok jawab...

"Muuuuuuuu!!!!!!."

Subhanallah, nok nitik air mata rasa, kebesaran ALLAH mencipta makhluk yang jujur...

Mewah

Tadi aku bertekak dengan seorang kawan. Dia tak percaya sekarang ni ekonomi tengah tenat. Sebab Dia kata dengan rm4 je dia boleh makan sedap dari pagi sampai malam.

Huh! Betul ke... 

Dia kata :

Pagi aku makan ayam, petang aku makan kari pastu malam boleh makan tomyam plak... Kira mewah la tu..

Aku tanya :

Camne ko buat tu?

Dia jawab :

Aku makan MAGGI

HAHAHA

Alcoholic

In an alcohol factory the regular tester died and the director started looking for a new one to hire.

A drunkard with a ragged, dirty look came to apply for the position.

The director of the factory wondered how to send him away. They tested him.

They gave him a glass with a drink. He tried it and said, "It's red wine, a muscat, three years old, grown on a north slope, matured in steel containers."

"That's correct", said the boss.

Another glass. "It's red wine, cabernet, eight years old, a south western slope, oak barrels."

"Correct." The director was astonished. He winked at his secretary to suggest something.

She brought in a glass of urine. The alcoholic tried it.

"It's a blonde, 26 years old, three months pregnant, made inside the office. And if you don't give me the job, I'll also tell who's the father!"

The boss collapsed...

Soalan Murid

MURID: Cikgu. Boleh saya tanya soalan?
CIKGU: Tanyalah.🙄
MURID: Macamana nak simpan gajah dalam almari.
CIKGU: Tak tahu.
MURID: Senang ja. Buka pintu almari, masukkan gajah.
CIKGU:😇


MURID: Nak tanya lagi cikgu.
CIKGU: Hmm. Tanya lah
MURID: Mcmana nak simpan keldai dalam almari.
CIKGU: Oh senang ja. Buka pintu almari, masukkan keldai.😀
MURID: Salah... Kena keluarkan gajah tu dulu.
CIKGU: Awak main2 ya.😳
MURID: Tak adalah.


MURID: Cikgu. Kalau singa buat birthday party, semua binatang pergi, last sekali siapa yg tinggal.
CIKGU: Tinggal singa lah, sebab dia makan habis semua binatang2 tu.
MURID: Salah. Keldai, sebab dia masih lagi dalam almari.
CIKGU: Ishh... Kamu ni.😤


MURID: Soalan last cikgu.
CIKGU: Ok.
MURID: Mcmana cara nak berenang kat sungai yg banyak buaya.
CIKGU: Tak ada cara. Saya kena guna bot.!!
MURID: Salah. Berenang je lah.
CIKGU: Kamu nak mati kena makan dgn buaya ka.😳
MURID: Tak mati lah. Kan semua binatang pergi bithday party singa.
CIKGU: 😡👃 💨💨


MURID: Cikgu2, soalan paling last, ya.
CIKGU: Baikla. Ha, apa??!
MURID: Kenapa bila naik bas ada tempat duduk basah?
CIKGU: Ada orang tumpahkan air.
MURID: Salah. Sebab..tadi kan berenang kt sungai..
CIKGU: @#$&^*👊✊💩😾😤

Just utk hilangkan stress
😂😂😂😂😃😃😃😃

Untuk Perempuan

Cik Din tersilap masuk toilet kat opis. 

Perempuan dalam toilet tu pun menjerit...

"Ni untuk perempuan sajalah Cik Din!!!!".

Cik Din pon dgn selamba turunkan seluarnya dan berkata 

"Ni pun untuk perempuan juga"

Don't play play dgn Cik Din

Please answer all

1. What's the difference between stress, tension and panic?
Stress is when wife is pregnant;
Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant;
Panic is when both are pregnant!

2. Grammar Teacher: Do you know the importance of a period?
Kid: Yeah, once my sister said she has missed one, my mom fainted, dad got a heart attack & our driver ran away!

3.  A young boy asks his Dad: "What is the difference between confident and confidential?
Dad says: "You are my son, I'm confident about that. Your friend over there, is also my son, that is confidential!

4. A bookseller conducting a market survey asked a woman ;
“Which book has helped you most in your life?”
The woman replied , “My husband’s cheque book!”

5. A prospective husband in a book store : Do you have a book called, Husband  the Master of the House? 
Sales Girl : “Sir, Fiction and Comics are on the 1st floor!"

6. Someone asked an old man : “Even after 70 years, you still call your wife Darling, Honey, Love. What’s the secret?"
Old man : I forgot her name and I’m scared to ask her!

7. Wife : I wish I was a newspaper. So I’d be in your hands all day.
Husband : I too wish that you were a newspaper. So I could have a new one every day!

Suami Original

Kisah malam pertama. Ali sengaja pakai kondom sbb belum bersedia jadi ayah terlalu awal.

Keesokannya emak tanya siti, camana kamu malam tadi, ok ke?

SITI: 

Ok sgt mak!

MAK: 

Apa yg ok?

SITI: 

Abg Ali punya original lagi mak.

MAK: 

Mana kamu tau masih ori?

SITI: 

Berbungkus dalam plastik lagi mak!

Melopong mak siti dengar....